Speaking the Unspeakable

 

Northumberland Fusiliers in a reserve trench at Thiepval, France, September 1916.

My grandfather, grandmother, father (left) and uncle.

On Armistice Day I always think about my paternal grandfather, John Edward Nolson. He had to grow up fast. At age 12 he was part-time at school and part-time working in a woollen mill.

When the First World War broke out in 1914 he was 16 years old. My father told me John lied about his age so that he could join up. I'm not sure if that's true, but he did enlist with the the 22nd Battalion of the Northumberland Fusiliers. Coming from Bradford, I don't know why he didn't join a more local battalion.

My grandad died when I was 18, and I now have only a hazy memory of him. I recall a small, slightly-built man, often morose and untalkative, but nevertheless with a cheeky sense of humour. At family parties, when I was a child, he would perform tricks such as pushing a cigarette into one ear and pulling it out of the other, or dipping his hand into the glass light shade in the living room and miraculously pulling out tomatoes.

As Private 63627 he received Victory and British Medals, yet I never recall him talking about the First World War and, as far as I know, he didn't really discuss it with my father. He may, or may not, have talked about it with my grandmother, but she never spoke of it either.

I've since learnt that the Northumberland Fusiliers, and especially his battalion, were in the thick of the action in Northern France, including the Battle of the Somme. My grandfather survived without being injured (as far as I know), but I can only surmise that he was scarred mentally for the rest of his life because of the trauma he experienced and the atrocities he had to witness, especially as such a young age. Nowadays we would recognise the effects as P.T.S.D.

I didn't understand him, or anything of what he had gone through, when I was young and he was still alive, but now I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. I only wish that he, and his comrades, had had the opportunity too speak about the unspeakable with trained, professional counsellors.

Writing prompt:

• Write about one of your relatives who is not longer alive. Set a timer for seven minutes.
• We all have experiences that we find it hard, or even impossible, to talk about. Writing about it can sometimes help. If you would like, set a timer for six minutes and explore in your writing something you find difficult to speak out loud.